melody of the cursed

You are where you belong
but the only thing belong to me is you
stranded in a place i know little off
surrounded by those who thinks they know me

i hate those who know less then they claim
over selling and then drag others to the bidding
i'm trying to be nice, trust me i do
just because the truth is to much for them to bear
i use to just tell what i feel, when i feel it
tell me what i'm wrong and ill listen
but condemn on what is not ill scream.
no filters where i came from and they knew it...
they understand me.
but your world, it would be dreadful
they are too fragile

but holding back hurt me
i want to scream but i kept silent
being docile is not me but i'm living it
so please, i need you to be with me
don't rip the cut, cure it
i don't want to be singing melody of the cursed
but i might explode

this is my stand
i am my own manipulator
i hate being manipulate
i see through most
don't try me with cheap tricks

Penantian

Penantian,
semakin hampir waktunya,
semakin jauh terasa,
berakhir hari bukan penutup waktu,
tidur malam hanya rehat seketika.

Kecamuk,
takut menanti waktu,
teruja menunggu masa,
lambat kan lah hari,
cepatkan lah esok,
risau, tapi hati tak sabar.

Satu,
engkau yang pertama,
pengukur si dua,
indah kah dunia,
cerahkah sinarnya.

Hidup,
satu, dua, menunggu tiga,
hidupku bukan milik ku,
hidup kita bukan hak,
pinjaman, ujian.

Esok,
akan kunanti dengan sabar,
akan kutempuh tiba masa,
tiada solalan tanpa jawapan,
tiada masalah tanpa penyelesaian,
tidak akan diberi kesusahan,
tanpa kita mampu mengharunginya.

Wishlist Granted.

Hurm... setelah beberapa lama tidak kubuka blog nih, terasa nak bukak la plak kejap. Dok tgk-tgk aku perasan post aku yang inih,

http://vexedprob.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-wish-list-photographic-lust.html

hoho, 

item 1 dan 2 dah granted, item 3 dan 4 dah takmoh..

dalam jangkamasa post itu sampai sekarang dah banyak wishlis photographic lust berubah, ada yang dah digranted, ada yang pending..

antara item pending

1. another flash unit + trigger
2. New Tripod

banyak lagih sbnarnya, tapi yang 2 nih dulu kot..

Blog Update :

[[ FINALLY ]]

New layout on the way (again) and hopefully, this one is going to be a finished one. Editing Minimal blogger layout because I'm to lazy to build from scrap.

Got the design on paper, hopefully It can make it to the screen...

Layout Beta Name :
Neodec Retro Style.

Start Building Date :
18/5/2010

GoGoGo...

haha... dan sejak 18/5 itu lah layoutnya tak siap2.... salah satu sebabnya aku malas dan sebab satu lagi file psd ngan wip html dah ilang. tatau mana aku letak...

jadi sekarang, either buat baru smua skali, atau edit balik yang nih. hurm... argh... malasss.......

satu lagi persoalan, nak berblog kah lagi aku?

Kisah Sunyi

Truut Truut.... Hello?

Member 1 : Wei jom klua minum2... hangout... ader benda nak cakap...

Tape la, aku ader hal la...

Member 1 : okay.. lain kali la yer...


Trutt Trutt... Hello?

Member 2 : Wei ari nih gi (tempat 1), sana lawa ah scenery

Alamak, aku ader hal la petang nih...

Member 2 : okay lah... lain kali la yer...

Okay



12:30 pm

Hello, kat mana babe?

Dia : kat KB. tapi kejap je, nak balik dah

Okay...


2:30 pm

Hello... da sampai rumah ke?

Dia : ada kat KB lagi nih, makan kejap,

pot pet pot pet...

Dia : Kejap eh, nak try baju jap... kejapppp jeee...


3:00 pm

SMS "Lama nyer 'keejaappp dierr' "

Dia SMS : Gi tandas la tadi


4:00 pm

Dia SMS : Member ajak gi kenduri

SMS "Okay"

...
...
...

Promises

Promise, yes everybody makes them. Well even I do. But I’m not very fond of these heart relief words. I don’t know why, maybe because I no longer trust them, I rarely make promises.

“Ok kot”, “Tgk ah”, “Kalau aku ada, aku ada”, “Kalau aku free aku pergi”, these words always juggling through my mouth. And most of the time there are better than promises by others.

“Tengok ah” for me is a promise to do if I can, if nothing else happen, if I’m not dead. I mean there will always be variables that I can’t control. Fate, death, these are not for us humans to decide and I mistakenly take these into consideration when making my promise.

Maybe because others don’t care about these “inconstant, uncontrollable variables”, that they easily make promises. Maybe because they don’t really care about keeping their words, that they spread it without hesitations. And I, who bluntly trust, trapped inside these worlds of fakes.

My words are my pride and my pride is the essence of me. I do break promises, I to have to lie, but breaking my own words is like breaking something I hold dear. And I really really hate breaking it.

My life has been spent knowing this. Knowing that others don’t see promises like I do. But my hard head pride force me to be what I want to, do what I need to. Usually I just bluntly gave my trust at first accountant and wait to see if it’s broken. Marking those who breaks them, and hold dear to those who don’t. And trust me, it is rare to hold. And unless I have a reason to, those who have been marked will no longer have my trust, my respect.

With this attitude, I actually have one problem. I’m lousy at making promises. I don’t know how to consult. I don’t know even if I want to, even if a really need to.

I do realize I have to make promises, but when it really counts, I blurred, speechless. If only my heart could talk, she would sing what is inside.

She will not promise her the world, because she knows it’s not mine to give. But she is sure that I would scrap my world and turn them into spare parts for hers, because she knows how I want the two worlds to be together.

She won’t promise her my life because my life is not mine to give. But she knew that I will put them in front of the line if she need it.

I want to promise everything she wants to hear but words are cheap and I don’t know how to sell, or I don’t even know if they are worth selling.